Ever since England, my life has consisted of pretty much this: going to coffee shops (like the one I am in right now), reflecting on life in writing, taking pictures, and walking around by myself.
I still daily have to fight feeling this intense pressure to amount to something. To make my life count for something. To be important. To do something that matters.
I don't think it's entirely selfish or bad or just my prideful nature that wants this. I think it's natural for all of us to want it. But more than anything what I know I need to be doing right now is embracing the smallness of my existence. The part where I don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. The part where I count and account for very little. What is it like to have that? To be that? To be...insignificant?
God has given me this time of few responsibilities as a gift. The purpose of this time is to rest. To find healing. To rediscover my dependency on Him. Or perhaps discover it for the first time. Every day I feel like I never knew Him at all before.
How does that work?
I still daily have to fight feeling this intense pressure to amount to something. To make my life count for something. To be important. To do something that matters.
I don't think it's entirely selfish or bad or just my prideful nature that wants this. I think it's natural for all of us to want it. But more than anything what I know I need to be doing right now is embracing the smallness of my existence. The part where I don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. The part where I count and account for very little. What is it like to have that? To be that? To be...insignificant?
God has given me this time of few responsibilities as a gift. The purpose of this time is to rest. To find healing. To rediscover my dependency on Him. Or perhaps discover it for the first time. Every day I feel like I never knew Him at all before.
How does that work?
No comments:
Post a Comment