I am back in Austin.
A lot has changed. I'm taking a new direction in life. Michael and I are no longer together. It's a long story, about a short story - short but full. We are still and will always be good friends. And to all of our mutual friends - yes! I still want to be your friend! That has not changed.
I work for Keith again - it's the best! Keith is the best to work for.
I live with my aunt and uncle again. They are very generous. They're helping me work on getting my uncle's car fixed so I can drive it, but presently I'm car-less and dependent for rides. I'm financially dependent as well since I just make enough money at Keith's for bills and that's about it. I only work 2 days a week, so once the car situation is figured out I'm going to seek further employment.
I've been doing a lot of reading, contemplating, and trying to write. It's hard to wrap my mind around what to write about, because my emotional state is pretty turbulent and raw. I had a hard year in Ohio. I put myself through way too much in too short of a time. I put another person through a lot, too. Well, I won't get into all of that. That's kind of the name of the game in relationships, I'm realizing. I have a really good counselor here and we had our first session this week. I expect lots of positive change to occur in the way I think, and much improvement and growth in how I approach life.
I'd like to go back to school next fall (in a year). I've been gaining a greater sense of confidence about something I've been interested in pursuing for a few years now, career wise, and I am looking into masters programs in Austin. More than anything else I just want to stay in Austin...stay in one place and be settled. It feels like home here. I have a good church community. It's a safe place for me to continue to heal and make new discoveries, and one where I can also have a lot of fun and adventure. I never explored a lot of the cool things that Austin has to offer while I was going to UT, because I "always had to study!" (Friends of mine in Columbus were like, "Seriously? You never even went to SXSW and you lived there?") I rushed through school and took on a lot in order to finish quickly. Life has taught me over the last 2 years that nothing is worth rushing for and missing out on the fun things that are happening this very moment!
I'm discovering how to reconcile myself to my own belief systems, change destructive patterns of though, and heal my mind of its anxieties. My discoveries for how to do this (which is a process I've been in for the last few years) has led me to an interest in studying clinical psychology and being a counselor. I first toyed with this idea when I was in Australia a couple years ago, and during my time in Bellingham I became very interested in Art Therapy. I've just been realizing lately that the topics of human behavior and motivation, consciousness, and the neurological basis for the inner-workings of the mind are pretty much all I ever think about, all the time. Combine that with a desire to teach, heal and mentor young people, along with lots of non-professional experience from working in youth ministry for several years, and it's possible that I have a good chance at being happy making a real vocation out of this). I started seeing a counselor while living in Columbus and realized that I've basically been taking myself through my own sort of version of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for the last 2 years, and have made pretty significant steps in my own personal development. (CBT is only really very effective with a real therapist, though - it's hard to do reality checking against a particular perceptual system (mind/brain) when you only have that one system itself as a reference. It's sort of like trying to see inside your own brain by looking backwards into your own eyes, or waiting for flickers of light from within the Platonic cave).
I've had a lot of inspiration and desire to write, but still fight lack of motivation. I'm (very slowly) working on a technology article for my uncle, and starting to piece together a poetry and photography collection to self-publish through Amazon (a goal I've had for years). I also have an idea for a book and I want to at least have something of a draft started by Christmas. Since I'm writing right now, I'd say I'm not doing too terrible and feel hopeful that I can continue to be more diligent with this task which is very important for my life's fulfillment and happiness.
I'm also interested in studying religion more formally. There are some theological schools in Austin, we'll see what happens. I'm reading my Bible again and being more intentional about prayer, which has brought a lot of satisfaction and energy back into my life. (It's good to have a neighborhood park where I can walk in prayer).
I also have already booked one wedding! This time I will have the help of Brooke who will be assisting / apprenticing in the art of wedding photography, and possibly the help of my aunt who is a trained photographer. I love being able to do weddings and I am so excited I have one scheduled! I get responses every time I renew the ads I've posted on craigslist.
Good things are happening and I am happy to be where I am, and hopeful about the direction I am going.
Thanks for reading!
A lot has changed. I'm taking a new direction in life. Michael and I are no longer together. It's a long story, about a short story - short but full. We are still and will always be good friends. And to all of our mutual friends - yes! I still want to be your friend! That has not changed.
I work for Keith again - it's the best! Keith is the best to work for.
I live with my aunt and uncle again. They are very generous. They're helping me work on getting my uncle's car fixed so I can drive it, but presently I'm car-less and dependent for rides. I'm financially dependent as well since I just make enough money at Keith's for bills and that's about it. I only work 2 days a week, so once the car situation is figured out I'm going to seek further employment.
I've been doing a lot of reading, contemplating, and trying to write. It's hard to wrap my mind around what to write about, because my emotional state is pretty turbulent and raw. I had a hard year in Ohio. I put myself through way too much in too short of a time. I put another person through a lot, too. Well, I won't get into all of that. That's kind of the name of the game in relationships, I'm realizing. I have a really good counselor here and we had our first session this week. I expect lots of positive change to occur in the way I think, and much improvement and growth in how I approach life.
I'd like to go back to school next fall (in a year). I've been gaining a greater sense of confidence about something I've been interested in pursuing for a few years now, career wise, and I am looking into masters programs in Austin. More than anything else I just want to stay in Austin...stay in one place and be settled. It feels like home here. I have a good church community. It's a safe place for me to continue to heal and make new discoveries, and one where I can also have a lot of fun and adventure. I never explored a lot of the cool things that Austin has to offer while I was going to UT, because I "always had to study!" (Friends of mine in Columbus were like, "Seriously? You never even went to SXSW and you lived there?") I rushed through school and took on a lot in order to finish quickly. Life has taught me over the last 2 years that nothing is worth rushing for and missing out on the fun things that are happening this very moment!
I'm discovering how to reconcile myself to my own belief systems, change destructive patterns of though, and heal my mind of its anxieties. My discoveries for how to do this (which is a process I've been in for the last few years) has led me to an interest in studying clinical psychology and being a counselor. I first toyed with this idea when I was in Australia a couple years ago, and during my time in Bellingham I became very interested in Art Therapy. I've just been realizing lately that the topics of human behavior and motivation, consciousness, and the neurological basis for the inner-workings of the mind are pretty much all I ever think about, all the time. Combine that with a desire to teach, heal and mentor young people, along with lots of non-professional experience from working in youth ministry for several years, and it's possible that I have a good chance at being happy making a real vocation out of this). I started seeing a counselor while living in Columbus and realized that I've basically been taking myself through my own sort of version of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for the last 2 years, and have made pretty significant steps in my own personal development. (CBT is only really very effective with a real therapist, though - it's hard to do reality checking against a particular perceptual system (mind/brain) when you only have that one system itself as a reference. It's sort of like trying to see inside your own brain by looking backwards into your own eyes, or waiting for flickers of light from within the Platonic cave).
I've had a lot of inspiration and desire to write, but still fight lack of motivation. I'm (very slowly) working on a technology article for my uncle, and starting to piece together a poetry and photography collection to self-publish through Amazon (a goal I've had for years). I also have an idea for a book and I want to at least have something of a draft started by Christmas. Since I'm writing right now, I'd say I'm not doing too terrible and feel hopeful that I can continue to be more diligent with this task which is very important for my life's fulfillment and happiness.
I'm also interested in studying religion more formally. There are some theological schools in Austin, we'll see what happens. I'm reading my Bible again and being more intentional about prayer, which has brought a lot of satisfaction and energy back into my life. (It's good to have a neighborhood park where I can walk in prayer).
I also have already booked one wedding! This time I will have the help of Brooke who will be assisting / apprenticing in the art of wedding photography, and possibly the help of my aunt who is a trained photographer. I love being able to do weddings and I am so excited I have one scheduled! I get responses every time I renew the ads I've posted on craigslist.
Good things are happening and I am happy to be where I am, and hopeful about the direction I am going.
Thanks for reading!
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